Here’s another list of Barbie dolls that you will never see on the market...
1) White Trash Barbie: She's larger and meaner than them other prissy, stuck-up, think-thur-better'n-you Barbies! Now every girl can live the fantasy of ignorance and poverty with her special trailer-park friend. Every White Trash Barbie comes complete with two packs of Marlboro Lights for Barbie's smoking pleasure, a six-pack of cheap beer to refresh Barbie during her busy day of bitching and watching TV, stylish, every occasion Spandex pants*, halter top and sandals (*Hot pants or blue jean cutoffs may be substituted on dolls shipped to Arkansas).
2) Abusive Boyfriend Ken: With asskickn' leg action and pimpslap backhand. With cowboy boots and MD 20/20 bottle. Curses, mumbles when string is pulled.
3) Married Life Ken: With Beer-bustin' expanding waist*. Molded to recliner. With TV remote, beer, chips. Says "Shut up woman," and "Git me a beer." (*Waist cannot be reduced once expanded).
4) Aussie Barbie: This Barbie can run-down a 'roo, cook it for dinner, pick-up the kids, pull the leeches off the kids, change a tire on the Land Rover, wrestle a croc', make her own clothes, repair the roof, toss-out all the poisonous snakes from the house, and all before Ken comes stumbling home drunk.
5) Bisexual Barbie: Comes in a package with Skipper and Ken.
6) Melrose Place Barbie: Comes with her own Barbie Dream Apartment, where Skipper and the rest of the gang live together. Other accessories include a bottle of vodka, silk sheets, and an arrest warrant.
7) Dr. Barbie, Medicine Woman: This helpful doll offers other homesteaders important tips like what conditioner to use on the Plains, and how to take care of one's nails while shoeing a horse.
8) America's Most Wanted Barbie: She's on the run after 30 years of crimes against feminism!
9) Oprah Barbie: Push a button on her back and she actually speaks! Hold your very own talk show with topics like how tough math class really is, Ballerina barbie's struggle with bulimia, Kens who wear Barbie's clothes.
10) My So-Called Barbie: She faces the same troubling issues as teens who don't have huge wardrobes, perfect bods, pools, ponies and boyfriends.
11) Roseanne Barbie: The dark side of the American Dream is explored with this doll, which shows what happens after Barbie graduated from high school, married too young and ate too much.
12) Murder, Barbie Wrote: Whenever this elder states woman of the Barbie set (she's 27!) arrives in the playhouse, all the other dolls mysteriously disappear.