Let’s start the day with some humor...
Welcome To America
When young Jose, newly arrived in the United States, made his first trip to Yankee Stadium, there were no tickets left for sale. Touched by his disappointment, a friendly ticket salesman found him a perch near the American flag.
Later, Jose wrote home enthusiastically about his experience. "And the Americans, they are so friendly!" he concluded. "Before the game started, they all stood up and looked at me and sang... 'Jose, can you see?'"
A Texan in Ireland
A Texan walks in to a pub in Ireland and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He says, “I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers. I'll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back.”
The room is quiet, and no one takes up the Texan’s offer. One man even leaves.
Thirty minutes later the same gentleman who left shows up and taps the Texan on the shoulder.
“Is your bet still good?” asks the Irishman.
The Texan says yes and asks the bartender to line up 10 pints of Guinness. Immediately the Irishman tears into all 10 of the pint glasses, drinking them all back-to-back.
The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits in amazement. The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and says, “If ya don’t mind me askin’, where did you go for those 30 minutes you were gone?”
The Irishman replies, “Oh I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first.”
Mrs. Donovan was walking down O'Connell Street in Dublin when she met up with Father Flaherty.
“Aren't ye Mrs. Donovan and didn't I marry ye and yer hoosband two years ago?”
She replied, “Aye, that ye did, Father.”
The Father asked, “And be there any wee little ones yet?”
She replied, “No, not yet, Father.”
The Father said, “Well now, I'm going to Rome next week and I'll light a candle for ye and yer hoosband.”
She replied, “Oh, thank ye, Father.' They then parted ways.
Some years later they met again. The Father asked, “Well now, Mrs. Donovan, how are ye these days?”
She replied, “Oh, very well, Father!”
The Father asked, “And tell me , have ye any wee ones yet?”
She replied, “Oh yes, Father! Two sets of twins and six singles, ten in all!”
The Father said, “That's wonderful! How is yer loving hoosband doing?”
She replied, “E's gone to Rome to blow out yer %$##*@ candle.”