Time to laugh it up...
Famous Booze Quotes
“I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.”
- Frank Sinatra -
“When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.”
- Henny Youngman -
- 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?”
- Stephen Wright -
“ When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Sooooo, let's all get drunk, and go to heaven...”
- Brian O'Rourke -
“You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline... it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.”
- Frank Zappa -
“Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.”
- Winston Churchill -
“Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.”
- Dave Barry -
“The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.”
- Humphrey Bogart -
Fun at the Drive-Through
- Specify that this order is "To Go".
- At midnight, ask if you are too early for Breakfast.
- When ordering, start talking about the problems you were having with your car. Ask if somebody can take a look at it.
- When asked if they can take your order, tell them you are just looking and drive off.
- When they hand you your food, hand them a bag back with all the rubbish from your car in it.
- When they come on the intercom, say "Sorry, I'm not here at the moment, please leave me a message".
- Speak a foreign language (make one up if you have to). When the manager comes to the mic, speak English and inquire as to why the order taker had such difficulty understanding you.
- Order confusing items, i.e., "Hi, I'll have a large orange Coke and a small medium fries, please."
- Speak in such a garbled fashion that the order-taker will think there is a problem with the speaker and ask you to order at the window. When you arrive at the window, speak in the same garbled, incomprehensible fashion.
- Have a friend hide in the trunk. When you approach the window to pickup your order, have him start yelling and banging his fists on the trunk.
(Comments to help articulate your mood to others...)
1. Don't bother me. I'm living happily ever after.
2. If I want to hear the pitter-patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my cat.
3. And your cry baby whiny-assed opinion would be...?
4. I'm not crazy; I've just been in a very bad mood for 30 years.
5. Sarcasm is just one more service I offer.
6. Earth is full. Go home.
7. I'm just working here till a good fast-food job opens up.
8. Are those your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage.
9. I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.
10. How many times do I have to flush before you go away?
11. You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing.
12. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #2?
13. Everyone thinks I'm psychotic, except for my friends deep inside the earth.
14. Is it time for your medication or mine?
15. How do I set a laser printer to stun?