Time for some Mother’s day humor...
You Know You're a Mom When...
- Your feet stick to the kitchen floor.....and you don't care.
- When the kids are fighting, you threaten to lock them in a room together and not let them out until someone's bleeding.
- You spend an entire week wearing sweats.
- Your idea of a good day is making it through without a child leaking bodily fluids on you.
- Popsicles become a food staple.
- Your favorite television show is a cartoon.
- Peanut butter and jelly is eaten at least in one meal a day.
- Your baby's pacifier falls on the floor and you give it back to her, after you suck the dirt off of it because you're too busy to wash it off.
- You're so desperate for adult conversation that you spill your guts to the telemarketer that calls and HE hangs up on YOU!
- Spit is your number one cleaning agent.
- You're up each night until 10 PM vacuuming, dusting, wiping, washing, drying, loading, unloading, shopping, cooking, driving, flushing, ironing, sweeping, picking up, changing sheets, changing diapers, bathing, helping with homework, paying bills, budgeting, clipping coupons, folding clothes, putting to bed, dragging out of bed, brushing, chasing, buckling, feeding (them, not you), PLUS swinging, playing baseball, bike riding, pushing trucks, cuddling dolls, roller balding, basketball, football, catch, bubbles, sprinklers, slides, nature walks, coloring, crafts, jumping rope, PLUS raking, trimming, planting, edging, mowing, gardening, painting, and walking the dog. You get up at 5:30 AM and you have no time to eat, sleep, drink or go to the bathroom, and yet...you still managed to gain 10 pounds.
Mom would never say...
"How on earth can you see the TV sitting so far back?"
"Yeah, I used to skip school a lot, too"
"Just leave all the lights on ... it makes the house look more cheery"
"Let me smell that shirt -- Yeah, it's good for another week"
"Go ahead and keep that stray dog, honey. I'll be glad to feed and walk him every day"
"Well, if Timmy's mom says it's OK, that's good enough for me."
"The curfew is just a general time to shoot for. It's not like I'm running a prison around here."
"I don't have a tissue with me ... just use your sleeve"
"Don't bother wearing a jacket - the wind-chill is bound to improve"
You Know You've Turned Into a Mom When...
- You automatically double-knot everything you tie.
- You find yourself humming the Barney song as you do the dishes.
- You actually start to like the smell of strained carrots mixed with applesauce.
- You weep through the scene in Dumbo when his mom is taken away, not to mention what Bambi does to you.
- You get soooo into crafts you contemplate writing a book called 101 Fun Crafts to do with Dryer Lint and Eggshells.
- You spend a half hour searching for your sunglasses only to have your teenager say, "Mom, why don't you wear the ones you pushed up on your head?"
- You are out for a nice romantic meal with your husband, enjoying some real adult conversation, when suddenly you realize that you've reached over and started to cut up his steak!