Let's start the day with a smile...
ASTROLOGICAL LIGHT BULBS
What's your sign? How many of you does it take to change a light bulb?
Aries: Just one. You want to make something of it?
Taurus: One, but just *try* to convince them that the burned-out one is useless and should be thrown away.
Gemini: Two, but the job never gets done - they just keep arguing about who is supposed to do it and how it's supposed to be done.
Cancer: Just one. But it takes a therapist three years to help them through the grief process.
Leo: Leos don't change light bulbs, although sometimes their agent will get a Virgo in to do the job for them while they're out.
Virgo: Approximately 1.000000 with an error of +/- 1 millionth.
Libra: Er, two. Or maybe one. No-on second thought, make that two. Is that OK with you?
Scorpio: That secret information can only be shared with the Enlightened Ones in the Star Chamber of the Ancient Hierarchical Order.
Sagittarius: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned-out light bulb?
Capricorn: I don't waste my time with these childish jokes.
Aquarius: Well, you have to remember that everything is energy, so...
Pisces: Light bulb? What light bulb?
THE END OF THE WORLD AS REPORTED BY...
The Wall Street Journal:
DOW JONES PLUMMETS AS WORLD ENDS
O.J. AND NICOLE, TOGETHER AGAIN
GIRLS OF THE APOCALYPSE
Microsoft Systems Journal:
APPLE LOSES MARKET SHARE
Victoria Secret Catalog:
OUR FINAL SALE
THE LAST NEW THING
THE GRATEFUL DEAD REUNION TOUR
HOW WILL THE EXTINCTION OF ALL LIFE AS WE KNOW IT AFFECT THE WAY WE VIEW THE COSMOS?
DEATH AND DAMNATION: NIELSEN RATINGS SOAR!
Ladies Home Journal:
LOSE 10 LBS BY JUDGMENT DAY WITH OUR NEW "ARMAGEDDON" DIET!
SYSTEM TEMPORARILY DOWN. TRY CALLING BACK IN 15 MINUTES.
TEN WAYS YOU CAN PROFIT FROM THE APOCALYPSE
Microsoft's Web Site:
IF YOU DIDN'T EXPERIENCE THE RAPTURE, DOWNLOAD SOFTWARE PATCH RAPT777.EXE
ARMAGEDDON TOLERANT SOFTWARE NOW AVAILABLE!
BABY BOOMERS - THEN AND NOW
Old and new concerns for people of the baby boom generation.
Here are Honorable Mentions;
Then: Long hair.
Now: Longing for hair.
Then: Acid rock
Now: Acid reflux.
Then: Moving to California because it's cool.
Now: Moving to California because it's hot.
Then: You're growing pot.
Now: Your growing pot.
Then: Watching John Glenn's historic flight with your parents.
Now: Watching John Glenn's historic flight with your kids.
Then: Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Elizabeth Taylor.
Now: Trying not to look like Marlon Brando or Elizabeth Taylor.
Then: Seeds and stems.
Then: Popping pills, smoking joints.
Now: Popping joints.
Then: Killer weed.
Now: Weed killer.
Then: Hoping for a BMW.
Now: Hoping for a BM.
Then: The Grateful Dead.
Now: Dr. Kevorkian.
Then: Getting out to a new, hip joint.
Now: Getting a new hip joint.