Let’s start the day off with some humour...
You know you are addicted to coffee if...
(My husband drinks tons of coffee, so he may qualify for some of these...)
- You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
- You sleep with your eyes open.
- You have to watch videos in fast-forward.
- The only time you're standing still is during an earthquake.
- You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.
- You've worn out your third pair of tennis shoes this week.
- Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
- You chew on other people's fingernails.
- The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.
- You're so jittery that people use your hands to blend their margaritas.
- You can jump-start your car without cables.
- You don't sweat, you percolate.
- You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in.
- You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.
- You channel surf faster without a remote.
- You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
- You can outlast the Energizer bunny.
- You short out motion detectors.
- You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.
- Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.
- You help your dog chase its tail.
- Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hookup.
- You ski uphill.
- You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked.
- You answer the door before people knock.
- You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.
The Red Mohawk
A young boy with a green, yellow and red Mohawk sits next to an old man at the park. After 5 minutes he turns to the old man and says "What are you staring at? You never did anything crazy in your life?". The old man turns and says "Sure have... I had sex with a peacock years back and I'm wondering if you're my son".