Saturday, June 26, 2010

Saturday Silliness

The following quotes taken from the Toronto News on July 26, 1977 are actual statements from insurance forms where car drivers tried to summarize accident details in as few words as possible.

Funny Statements On Insurance Claims

- "Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have."

- "The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intent."

- "I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way."

- "In my attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole."

- "I had been driving for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident."

- "As I approached the intersection a sign suddenly appeared in a place where no sign had ever appeared before, making me unable to avoid the accident."

- "I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him."

- "I saw a slow-moving, sad-faced old gentleman as he bounced off the hood of my car."

- "The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth."

- "I was thrown from my car as it left the road, and was later found in a ditch by some stray cows."

- "A pedestrian hit me and went under my car."

- "I thought my window was down, but I found out it was up when I put my head through it."

- "To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck the pedestrian."

- "The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him."

- "The pedestrian had no idea which way to run, so I ran over him."

- "I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law, and headed over the embankment."

How about one more? Sure, why not...

Really Stupid People

- Police in Wichita, Kansas arrested a 22-year-old man at an airport hotel after he tried to pass two (counterfeit) $16 bills.

- A man in Johannesburg, South Africa shot his 49-year-old friend in the face, seriously wounding him, while the two practiced shooting beer cans off each other's head.

- A bus carrying five passengers was hit by a car in St. Louis, but by the time police arrived on the scene, fourteen pedestrians had boarded the bus and had begun to complain of whiplash injuries and back pain.

- Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth. Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed.

- When two service station attendants in Ionia, Michigan refused to hand over the cash to an intoxicated robber, the man threatened to call the police. They still refused, so the robber called the police and was arrested.

- A Los Angeles man who later said he was "tired of walking," stole a steamroller and led police on a 5 mph chase until an officer stepped aboard and brought the vehicle to a stop.

Har har har... Have a great day!

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