Saturday, August 7, 2010

Saturday Silliness

I’ve no doubt that people that look through resumes come across some interesting (and amusing) things, like the ones below...

Resumes and Cover Letters
These are taken from real resumes and cover letters and were printed in the July 21, 1997 issue of Fortune Magazine:

1. “I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience.”

2. “I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreadsheet progroms.”

3. “Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year.”

4. Reason for leaving last job: “maturity leave.”

5. “Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions.”

6. “Failed bar exam with relatively high grades.”

7. “Its best for employers that I not work with people.”

8. “Let’s meet, so you can ooh and aah over my experience.”

9. “You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time.”

10. “Am a perfectionist and rarely if ever forget details.”

11. “I was working for my mom until she decided to move.”

12. Marital status: “single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No commitments.”

13. “I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse.”

14. “I am loyal to my employer at all costs ... Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voice mail.”

15. “I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one and absolutely nothing.”

16. “My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.”

17. “I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant.”

18. “As indicted, I have over five years of analyzing investments.”

19. Personal interests: “donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far.”

20. “Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store.”

21. Note: “Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as job-hopping. I have never quit a job.”

22. Marital status: “often.” Children: “various.”

23. Reason for leaving last job: “They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 a.m. every morning. Could not work under those conditions.”

24. “The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers.”

25. “Finished eighth in my class of ten.”

And my favourite of all...

26. References: “None. I've left a path of destruction behind me.”