Saturday, November 6, 2010

Saturday Silliness

This silliness post is all about lists, funny lists, that is.

First, there’s this one:

You've Had A Bad Day But ...

The parachute company says you'll get a full refund.

They say the house didn't float very far at all.

The "National Enquirer" just loved those nude shots of you.

The insects hardly touched your other eyebrow.

The District Attorney says he only has a few more questions.

At least the passenger side air bag inflated.

The reward for your capture has reached fifty thousand dollars.

At least we never thought you were guilty like that Jury did.

The insurance pays the full book value ($312) for your 1956 T-Bird.

The thieves left the push lawn mower and hedge trimmers.

Those Grand Juries always over-react. Don't worry about it.

Just imagine if you're ex-wife had had a good lawyer.

Look on the bright side, those fertility drugs worked 6 times better than expected!

Followed by this:

Famous Mothers

MONA LISA'S MOTHER: "After all that money your father and I spent on braces, that's the biggest smile you can give us?"

COLUMBUS' MOTHER: "I don't care what you've discovered, you still could have written!"

MICHELANGELO'S MOTHER: "Can't you paint on walls like other children? Do you have any idea how hard it is to get that stuff off the ceiling?"

NAPOLEON'S MOTHER: "All right, if you aren't hiding your report card inside your jacket, take your hand out of there and show me."

ABRAHAM LINCOLN'S MOTHER: "Again with the stovepipe hat? Can't you just wear a baseball cap like the other kids?"

MARY'S MOTHER: "I'm not upset that your lamb followed you to school, but I would like to know how he got a better grade than you."

ALBERT EINSTEIN'S MOTHER: "But it's your senior picture. Can't you do something about your hair? Styling gel, mousse, something...?"

GEORGE WASHINGTON'S MOTHER: "The next time I catch you throwing money across the Potomac, you can kiss your allowance good-bye!"

JONAH'S MOTHER: "That's a nice story. Now tell me where you've really been for the last forty years."

THOMAS EDISON'S MOTHER: "Of course I'm proud that you invented the electric light bulb. Now turn it off and get to bed!"

PAUL REVERE'S MOTHER: "I don't care where you think you have to go, young man, midnight is past your curfew."

And this:

Signs You've Grown Up

Your potted plants are alive. And you can't smoke any one of them.

You keep more food than beer in the fridge.

6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to sleep.

You hear your favourite song in an elevator.

Two times in a row? I don't think so.

You carry an umbrella. You watch the Weather Channel.

Your friends marry and divorce instead of hookup and breakup.

You go from 130 days of vacation time to 7.

Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as 'dressed up'.

You're the one calling the police because those bloody kids next door don't know how to turn down the stereo.

Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.

Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.

You no longer take naps from noon to 6 p.m.

Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.

Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 a.m. would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.

You go to the pharmacy for Ibuprofen and antacids, not condoms and pregnancy test kits.

A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer 'pretty good stuff'.

You actually eat breakfast foods at breakfast time.

"I just can't drink the way I used to," replaces "I'm never going to drink that much again."

Over 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.

You don't drink at home to save money before going to a bar.

You read this entire list looking for one sign that doesn't apply to you.

4 comments:

  1. "Signs You've Grown Up" - Oh dear. Almost all of those apply...

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  2. Ha ha...me too, Andrew! Looks like I've definitely grown up...

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  3. Yep, I loved the signs that you're grown up too, and thankfully I've yet to hear my fave song in the elevator... :)

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  4. Ha ha...neither have I, Tatiana, but I don't think it'll be much longer :)

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