Saturday, December 11, 2010

Saturday Silliness

Another Christmasy silliness post for the month of December...

First, there are funny pictures...


...then there are a few short jokes...

Real Or Fictional?

Just before Xmas, an honest politician, a generous lawyer and Santa Claus all got into the lift (elevator) at the Ritz Hotel in London. As the lift travelled from the 5th floor down to the ground level, one-by-one they noticed a £50 note lying on the lift's floor.
Which one picked up the £50 note, and handed it in at reception?
Santa, of course; the other two don't actually exist!

The Angel On Top Of The Tree

Santa was very upset. It was Christmas Eve and nothing was going right! Mrs. Claus had burned all the cookies. The elves were complaining about not getting paid for the overtime they had while making the toys. The reindeer had been drinking all afternoon and were dead drunk. To make matters worse, they had taken the sleigh out for a spin earlier in the day and had crashed it into a tree.

Santa was furious. "I can't believe it! I've got to deliver millions of presents all over the world in just a few hours and all of my reindeer are drunk, the elves are on strike and I don't even have a Christmas tree!"

He continued, "And I sent that stupid Little Angel out hours ago to find a tree and he isn't even back yet! What am I going to do?"

Just then, the Little Angel opened the front door and stepped in from the snowy night, dragging a Christmas tree behind him. He said, "Yo, fat man! Where do you want me to stick the tree this year?"

And thus the tradition of angels atop the Christmas tree got its start...

Helpful Holiday Diet Tips

1. If no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.

2. If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, they cancel each other out.

3. If you eat standing up, it doesn't count!

4. STRESSED is just DESSERTS spelled backwards.

5. If you eat the food off someone else's plate, it doesn't count.

6, Cookie pieces contain no calories because the process of breakage causes calorie leakage.

7. Foods used for medicinal purposes have no calories. This includes: any chocolate used for energy, brandy, cheesecake, and Haagen-Daz Ice Cream.

8. When eating with someone else, calories don't count if you both eat the same amount.

9. Movie-related foods are much lower in calories simply because they are a part of the entertainment experience and not part of one's personal fuel. This includes: Milk Duds, popcorn with butter, Junior Mints, Snickers, and Gummi Bears.

Have a nice weekend!

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