Friday, February 4, 2011

If A Fuzzy At A Pet Shop Could Speak

People often take home pets without fully understanding what’s involved in their day to day care. And sometimes, after realizing what they’ve gotten themselves into, which is far more than they bargained for, they don’t like it. This is especially true of ferrets that most people know nothing about. So today, a ferret speaks – from the pet store. And this is what it would say to you (if it could) if you were contemplating taking it home with you:

“I’m not a short term pet; I’m likely to live anywhere from 6 – 10 years. Please bear this in mind before you take me home.”

“If you don’t know anything about me and my care needs, please don’t even consider taking me home until you do.”

“Don’t select me because you think I’m cute. I’m a living, breathing furry soul with special needs, not a decoration.”

“Young children don’t always know their own strength, and because I’m so small and fragile, I could get easily hurt by little hands that squeeze too hard or hold too tight. So, if you have young children at home, promise that you’ll always supervise the interaction between the two of us.”

“Do not plan to keep me in a cage forever. I am a social and highly-energetic (when I’m awake) creature that will become depressed and physically weak if you keep me caged all day and night. I need to be let out for a few hours a day (at least 4) to play, exercise and interact with you.”

“When I’m out playing, I am in constant motion, eager to explore my surroundings and conquer my little world. This exuberance often places me in dangerous situations, some of which can prove fatal. In order to keep me safe, you will have to ferret-proof your home and keep an eye on me. You might even have to restrict me to a designated play area.”

“You should never leave me alone with a dog because it could hurt and even kill me. And you should never leave me alone with a rabbit, rat, mouse, bird, reptile, hamster or fish; they’re all animals that I ‘instinctively’ prey on. And even though I don’t hunt anymore, I shouldn’t be completely trusted. And although I get along pretty well with cats, which is your best bet if you’re looking to team me up with another pet, you should still supervise when Miss Kitty and I are together. Just to be safe.”

“If you need fuzzy companionship throughout the day, choose another pet. I sleep anywhere from 15 – 18 hours a day.”

“I’m not a disposable toy. If you decide to take me home, commit to loving and caring for me properly. It would break my heart if you changed your mind about me along the way (because I’m not the right pet for you, after all) and decided to get rid of me, or worse, neglected or abused me.”

Let’s wrap up with a few words from my own fuzzies.


Well, not necessarily, Bailey. What you need is a lot of playtime. You don’t need to buy toys; homemade stuff is much better. And to a ferret, just about anything is considered a toy, even a pair of sweatpants that they can tunnel through.


Of course, Spaz. [roll eyes]

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