Saturday, April 30, 2011

Saturday Silliness

Ready for some humour? Let's do it...

Ways To Describe Someone Who Is...Well...Not Too Bright...

- An intellect rivaled only by garden tools.

- As smart as bait.

- Doesn't have all his dogs on one leash.

- Doesn't know much, but leads the league in nostril hair.

- Elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor.

- Forgot to pay his brain bill.

- His belt doesn't go through all the loops.

- If he had another brain, it would be lonely.

- Missing a few buttons on his remote control.

- Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse.

- Receiver is off the hook.

- Surfing in Nebraska.

- An experiment in Artificial Stupidity.

- A few beers short of a six-pack.

- A few peas short of a casserole.

- The cheese slid off his cracker.

- Warning: Objects in mirror are dumber than they appear.

- Couldn't pour **** out of a boot with instructions on the heel.

- He fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down.

- Not the sharpest tool in the shed.

- Not playing with all 52 cards.

- A few sandwiches short of a picnic.

- A few feathers short of a full pillow.

- Somewhere, a village is missing its idiot.

- A few links short in a chain.

- A door without a handle.

- A few bits short of a byte.

Dear Abby

Letters Dear Abby was at a loss to answer...

Dear Abby, A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her mid twenties. These two women go everywhere together and I've never seen a man go into or leave their apartment. Do you think they could be Lebanese?


Dear Abby, What can I do about all the Sex, Nudity, Fowl Language and Violence on my VCR?


Dear Abby, I have a man I can't trust. He cheats so much, I'm not even sure the baby I'm carrying is his.


Dear Abby, I am a twenty-three year old liberated woman who has been on the pill for two years. It's getting expensive and I think my boyfriend should share half the cost, but I don't know him well enough to discuss money with him.


Dear Abby, I've suspected that my husband has been fooling around, and when confronted with the evidence, he denied everything and said it would never happen again.


Dear Abby, Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a boy who was raised in a good Christian home turn against his own?


Dear Abby, My forty year old son has been paying a psychiatrist $50.00 an hour every week for two and a half years. He must be crazy.


Dear Abby, I was married to Bill for three months and I didn't know he drank until one night he came home sober.


Dear Abby, My mother is mean and short tempered. I think she is going through mental pause.


Dear Abby, You told some woman whose husband had lost all interest in sex to send him to a doctor. Well, my husband lost all interest in sex and he is a doctor. Now what do I do?

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