Ways To Describe Someone Who Is...Well...Not Too Bright...
- An intellect rivaled only by garden tools.
- As smart as bait.
- Doesn't have all his dogs on one leash.
- Doesn't know much, but leads the league in nostril hair.
- Elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor.
- Forgot to pay his brain bill.
- His belt doesn't go through all the loops.
- If he had another brain, it would be lonely.
- Missing a few buttons on his remote control.
- Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse.
- Receiver is off the hook.
- Surfing in Nebraska.
- An experiment in Artificial Stupidity.
- A few beers short of a six-pack.
- A few peas short of a casserole.
- The cheese slid off his cracker.
- Warning: Objects in mirror are dumber than they appear.
- Couldn't pour **** out of a boot with instructions on the heel.
- He fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down.
- Not the sharpest tool in the shed.
- Not playing with all 52 cards.
- A few sandwiches short of a picnic.
- A few feathers short of a full pillow.
- Somewhere, a village is missing its idiot.
- A few links short in a chain.
- A door without a handle.
- A few bits short of a byte.
Dear Abby
Letters Dear Abby was at a loss to answer...
Dear Abby, A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her mid twenties. These two women go everywhere together and I've never seen a man go into or leave their apartment. Do you think they could be Lebanese?
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Dear Abby, What can I do about all the Sex, Nudity, Fowl Language and Violence on my VCR?
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Dear Abby, I have a man I can't trust. He cheats so much, I'm not even sure the baby I'm carrying is his.
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Dear Abby, I am a twenty-three year old liberated woman who has been on the pill for two years. It's getting expensive and I think my boyfriend should share half the cost, but I don't know him well enough to discuss money with him.
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Dear Abby, I've suspected that my husband has been fooling around, and when confronted with the evidence, he denied everything and said it would never happen again.
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Dear Abby, Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a boy who was raised in a good Christian home turn against his own?
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Dear Abby, My forty year old son has been paying a psychiatrist $50.00 an hour every week for two and a half years. He must be crazy.
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Dear Abby, I was married to Bill for three months and I didn't know he drank until one night he came home sober.
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Dear Abby, My mother is mean and short tempered. I think she is going through mental pause.
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Dear Abby, You told some woman whose husband had lost all interest in sex to send him to a doctor. Well, my husband lost all interest in sex and he is a doctor. Now what do I do?
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