Saturday, April 30, 2011

Saturday Silliness

Ready for some humour? Let's do it...



Ways To Describe Someone Who Is...Well...Not Too Bright...

- An intellect rivaled only by garden tools.

- As smart as bait.

- Doesn't have all his dogs on one leash.

- Doesn't know much, but leads the league in nostril hair.

- Elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor.

- Forgot to pay his brain bill.

- His belt doesn't go through all the loops.

- If he had another brain, it would be lonely.

- Missing a few buttons on his remote control.

- Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse.

- Receiver is off the hook.

- Surfing in Nebraska.

- An experiment in Artificial Stupidity.

- A few beers short of a six-pack.

- A few peas short of a casserole.

- The cheese slid off his cracker.

- Warning: Objects in mirror are dumber than they appear.

- Couldn't pour **** out of a boot with instructions on the heel.

- He fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down.

- Not the sharpest tool in the shed.

- Not playing with all 52 cards.

- A few sandwiches short of a picnic.

- A few feathers short of a full pillow.

- Somewhere, a village is missing its idiot.

- A few links short in a chain.

- A door without a handle.

- A few bits short of a byte.


Dear Abby

Letters Dear Abby was at a loss to answer...

Dear Abby, A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her mid twenties. These two women go everywhere together and I've never seen a man go into or leave their apartment. Do you think they could be Lebanese?

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Dear Abby, What can I do about all the Sex, Nudity, Fowl Language and Violence on my VCR?

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Dear Abby, I have a man I can't trust. He cheats so much, I'm not even sure the baby I'm carrying is his.

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Dear Abby, I am a twenty-three year old liberated woman who has been on the pill for two years. It's getting expensive and I think my boyfriend should share half the cost, but I don't know him well enough to discuss money with him.

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Dear Abby, I've suspected that my husband has been fooling around, and when confronted with the evidence, he denied everything and said it would never happen again.

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Dear Abby, Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a boy who was raised in a good Christian home turn against his own?

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Dear Abby, My forty year old son has been paying a psychiatrist $50.00 an hour every week for two and a half years. He must be crazy.

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Dear Abby, I was married to Bill for three months and I didn't know he drank until one night he came home sober.

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Dear Abby, My mother is mean and short tempered. I think she is going through mental pause.

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Dear Abby, You told some woman whose husband had lost all interest in sex to send him to a doctor. Well, my husband lost all interest in sex and he is a doctor. Now what do I do?

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