Saturday, July 9, 2011

Saturday Silliness

This week’s silliness includes funny lists, starting with this one...


Actual Newspaper Headlines

- Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says

- Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

- Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted

- Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case

- Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents

- Farmer Bill Dies in House

- Iraqi Head Seeks Arms

- Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?

- Stud Tires Out

- Prostitutes Appeal to Pope

- Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over

- Soviet Virgin Lands Short of Goal Again

- British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands

- Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms

- Eye Drops off Shelf

- Teacher Strikes Idle Kids

- Reagan Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead

- Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim

- Shot Off Woman's Leg Helps Nicklaus to 66

- Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax

- Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told

- Miners Refuse to Work after Death

- Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

- Stolen Painting Found by Tree

- Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies

- Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Counter

- Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years

- Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One

- Drunken Drivers Paid $1000 in `84

- War Dims Hope for Peace

- If Strike isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While

- Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

- Enfield Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide

- Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge

- Deer Kill 17,000

- Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

- Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge

- New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

- Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft

- Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

- Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy

- Arson Suspect is Held in Massachusetts Fire

- British Union Finds Dwarfs in Short Supply

- Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood

- Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees

- Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half

- New Vaccine May Contain Rabies

- Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing

- Deaf College Opens Doors to Hearing

- Air Head Fired

- Steals Clock, Faces Time

- Prosecutor Releases Probe into Undersheriff

- Old School Pillars are Replaced by Alumn

- Bank Drive-in Window Blocked by Board

- Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors

- Some Pieces of Rock Hudson Sold at Auction

- Sex Education Delayed, Teachers Request Training

- Include your Children when Baking Cookies


Nose picking is not the most glamorous thing, but it does make for a funny list...

Nose Picking Dictionary


The Kiddie Pick:

When you're by yourself and you uninhibitedly twist your forefinger into your nostril with childlike joy and freedom. And the best part is, there's no time limit!


Camouflaged Kiddie Pick:

When, in the presence of other people, you wrap your forefinger in a tissue, then thrust it in deep and hold back the smile.


Fake Nose Scratch:

When you make believe you've got an itch but you're really trolling the nostril edge for stray boogers.


Making A Meal Out Of It:

You do it so furiously, and for so long, you're probably entitled to dessert.


Surprise Pickings:

When a sneeze or laugh causes snot to come hurling out of your nose, and you have to gracefully clean it off your shirt.


Autopick:

The kind you do in a car, when no one's looking.


Pick Your Brains:

Done in private, this is the one where your finger goes in so far, it passes the septum.


Pick And Save:

When you have to pick it quickly, just when someone looks away, and then you pocket the snot so they don't catch on to what you did.


Pick And Roll:

No explanation needed.


Pick And Flick:

Ditto.


Pick And Stick:

You wanted it to be a "Pick and Flick," but it stubbornly clings to your fingertip.


Paydirt:

The kind where you remove a piece of snot so big, it improves your breathing by 90%.


And finally, a funny picture...


4 comments:

  1. These are hilarious - makes you wonder what their editors were doing... obviously not their job!

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  2. You got that right, Jane! I can't believe some of these got printed.

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  3. I think the auto pickers would be surprised at how many people are looking. I couldn't even begin to count the number of people I have seen in cars with their finger up their nose.

    Lol. Loved the cat pic. I need to get some of my cat posted on my blog.

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  4. That's too funny, WebDebris. And you're right; a lot of people seem to forget that someone may be watching while they're picking their nose.

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