Saturday, August 20, 2011

Saturday Silliness

Let’s get right to today’s silly stuff...


The Vet

A man brought a very limp dog into the veterinary clinic. As he lay the dog on the table, the doctor pulled out his stethoscope, placing the receptor on the dog's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm sorry, but your dog has passed away."

"What?" screamed the man. "How can you tell? You haven't done any testing on him or anything. I want another opinion!"

With that, the vet turned and left the room. In a few moments, he returned with a Labrador Retriever. The Retriever went right to work, checking the poor dead dog out thoroughly with his nose. After a considerable amount of sniffing, the Retriever sadly shook his head and said, "Bark" (meaning "dead as a doornail").

The veterinarian then took the Labrador out and returned in a few moments with a cat, which also carefully sniffed out the poor dog on the table. As had his predecessors, the cat sadly shook his head and said, "Meow" (meaning "he's history"). He then jumped off the table and ran out of the room.

The veterinarian handed the man a bill for $600.

The dog's owner went berserk. "$600! Just to tell me my dog is dead? This is outrageous!"

The vet shook his head sadly and explained. "If you had taken my word for it, the charge would have been $50, but with the Lab work and the cat scan..."


Things To Do In An Elevator...

- When people get on, ask for their tickets.

- When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.

- Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.

- Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say, "Hi Mike. How's your day been?"

- Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, say "that's mine!"

- Stand in the corner reading a telephone book, laughing.

- Take pictures of everyone in the elevator.

- When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay. Don't panic, they open up again."

- Swat at flies that don't exist.

- Push the top floor button and announce that you tried to kill yourself yesterday but the other building wasn't high enough.

- Jump rope.

- Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.


Dumb Policeman

A policeman stops a lady and asks for her license. He says "Lady, it says here that you should be wearing glasses."

The woman answered "Well, I have contacts."

The policeman replied "I don't care who you know! You're still getting a ticket!"



4 comments:

  1. Lab work and cat scan, hahahahaha! My cat, Her Royal Highness, is going to the vet this morning for her annual check up. My annual donation to her vet's BMW upkeep.

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  2. Ha ha...I know what you mean, Debra! I took my two cats and two ferrets to the vet recently, so I'm a contributor to BMWs, as well. Ouch...

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  3. I really liked those too, WebDebris, especially the one where you talk to an imaginary (invisible) friend. I'd love to see the expression on someone's face if you do that.

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