Thursday, July 19, 2012

No Matter The Age, It’s Never Easy To Let Go

My older daughter left Kingston on Sunday to return to her home in Sainte-Anne-de-Bellevue, a town located at the western tip of the Island of Montreal in southwestern Quebec. It is the second oldest community in Montreal's West Island, having been founded as a parish in 1703.


She had planned to leave around the end of August to return to school, but she didn’t find a job while she was here, which is something she’d hoped to do, and decided to leave earlier. And even though she stayed with us for about two and a half months, when she pulled out of our driveway with her car, it felt like she’d hardly been here at all. I was already missing her, and she hadn’t even left our street.


I guess that no matter how old our children are, every time they go away, be it on their first day of kindergarten or on their move away from home as young adults, we feel that pinch in our heart and get all choked up with emotion. We have so many things we want to say but hardly say anything at all. Because we can’t. We have trouble speaking. And we fear that if we open our mouths, we’ll burst into tears.


Along with missing my daughter, I’m also missing her feline companion, Dany (my daughter spells it Daeny), a 3 ½ year old female calico that my daughter adopted while she was staying with us. I got very attached to the little furball, like she did to me, and her absence is felt.


The two of them have only been gone for a few days, and I’m not quite used to it yet. I keep expecting to find Dany waiting for me outside my bedroom door in the morning. But she’s never there. And I imagine my daughter walking into the room I’m in to tell me something, but she never does.


So when my daughter called yesterday to ask how we all are and to share her news with me, it was bittersweet. On one end, I was very happy to hear from her, but on the other I was reminded again of how much I miss her and her sweet cat. I’ll get used to them being gone, of course, but it will take a little while. And they will return to visit, which is something to look forward to.


One of the best things we can teach our children is to have the courage to go out and live their lives, be independent, take chances, to grow. But we still feel that sense of loss when they leave, no matter how old they may be.


20 comments:

  1. Oh Martha. Wish I could sit down with you for a cup of tea today.

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    1. That would have been lovely, Francie. I know I would really enjoy your company. Perhaps one day we'll get a chance to do that. Either you'll come to Kingston, or I'll visit your area.

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  2. It's tough being a Mom. And a cat lover too. Hugs to you today!

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    1. Mom and cat lover; two tough jobs! Thanks for the hugs, Debra. They really helped :)

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  3. O, I so agree with Debra. and I'm sure your daughter misses you a lot too. it's great that she comes home regularly. I particularly remember one night when my parents were taking me to the airport to go back to school, and I was in the back seat with my Mom. and though I was already in my 20s, I just felt like a little girl who wants her Mommy -- and I just lay down and put my head in her lap, and she stroked my hair. We didn't say anything the whole way.

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    1. What a lovely story. No matter how old we get, we still feel like kids around our moms.

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  4. So sorry you are feeling blue Martha. It is so hard to adjust to changes like this, all you want to do is give them both hugs and kisses.

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    1. It is hard to adjust to changes, but we do it. Our children need to spread their wings and live their lives. As much as we miss them, we are also proud when they go out there and live.

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  5. Ah, it's a shame they couldn't stay longer. But at least you can plan ahead for when they next visit, and I'm glad she has such a sweet little cat to keep her company.

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    1. They will visit us, and it will be fun when they do! My daughter made a great choice with that cat. She's truly a sweetheart, and she'll make a great companion.

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  6. Ah, Martha...I understand all too well how you feel. I've lost count of how many times I've had to say goodbye to my children, but it's a lot.It gets a little easier as time goes on, but leavetaking is still painful. But when your beloved daughter goes out so happily and confidently into the world, you can know you've done something right as her mom.

    If I were there, we'd go for a long walk, cameras slung over our shoulders, of course. Sending a big hug your way...

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    1. Thank you, Beth, for the hug. It helped. How wonderful it would be to share a walk like that with you, cameras and all. There are so many beautiful places we could visit here. And I know I'd really enjoy your company.

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  7. I hope you stick around to walk me through all this in the coming years.
    Take care of yourself.
    m.

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    1. Four children, Mark? Oh my...there will be many emotional moments to face. But I don't think you'd have it any other way. Children bring heartache with them, but oodles of joy. I plan to follow your blog and keep up to date with your 'simple life' for as long as you keep writing about it. So don't stop any time soon, okay?

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  8. My heart goes out to you Martha. Thankfully I have my children close by (my son works up north half of the time, but he's back in Edmonton when he's off and my daughter lives across the city) I sure hope they settle here permanately, but one never knows. Caroline went to school for a year in Texas the year between graduating highschool and university and that was a tough year for us. I really missed her (still do sometimes) when she moved into her own place - and she's just 15 minutes away! Fortunately your daughter is within driving distance if you needed to be there quickly for her or just wanted a visit. I also understand your missing Dany - it's so easy to get attached to little furballs :) Gorgeous pics btw.

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    1. I am very fortunate that my daughter is within reasonable driving distance. I can be there in no time at all if I have to. We do drive in every now and then to visit family, so living here hasn't felt too far for us. I did enjoy having my daughter here, but I also like the fact that she's able to get out there and live her life. She's still awfully young, only 20, but eager to be independent. How nice that your daughter is only 15 minutes away! I believe my younger one will end up like that. She loves Kingston, and I can see her making a life here.

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  9. Also, we are so blessed to have messenger, Facebook and Skype nowadays. When I left home to go to school and then permanately after I'd married, there was no such thing as emails, let alone Skype! I remember we'd only call each other every second week - remember when long distance calls were SO expensive? It's very easy to maintain a stronger connection nowadays with all of the social networking tools - not the same thing as being together I realize, but it helps.

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    1. Oh, gosh, yes! It's so much easier to keep in touch now. I remember very well how expensive it was so make long distance calls. These days you can connect with people so easily, and in so many ways. I absolutely love it!

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  10. It's 'moments' like these that I am not quite sure just how I would react being a parent. I often had 'romantic' ideas about having kids but in the end feel that this is best left to you experts!! That's you Martha! I would be a mess at these times....I think.

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    1. You'd be surprised how strong you can be when you're a parent. And these moments are fleeting. There are always more happy ones that make it worthwhile.

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