Saturday Silliness

Time for some more festive humor. ‘Tis the season, after all...

Holiday Office Memo

To: All Employees
From: Management
Subject: Office conduct during the Christmas season

Effective immediately, employees should keep in mind the following guidelines in compliance with FROLIC (the Federal Revelry Office and Leisure Industry Council).

1. Running aluminum foil through the paper shredder to make tinsel is discouraged.

2. Playing Jingle Bells on the push-button phone is forbidden (it runs up an incredible long distance bill)

3. Work requests are not to be filed under "Bah humbug."

4. Company cars are not to be used to go over the river and through the woods to Grandma's house.

5. All fruitcake is to be eaten BEFORE July 25.

6. Egg nog will NOT be dispensed in vending machines.

In spite of all this, the staff is encouraged to have a Happy Holiday.

Things People Say When They Really Don't Like A Gift

- Hey! Now, there's a gift...

- Well, well, well ...

- Boy, if I hadn't recently shot up 4 sizes this would've fit.

- This is perfect for wearing around the basement.

- Gosh. I hope this never catches fire! It is fire season though. There are lots of unexplained fires.

- If the dog buries it, I'll be furious!

- I love it -- but I fear the jealousy it will inspire.

- To think -- I got this the year I vowed to give all my gifts to charity.

- You shouldn't have! I mean it, you really shouldn't have!

- No, really, I didn't know that there was a Chia Pet tie! Oh, wow! It's a clip-on too!

- You know what? — I'm going to find a special place to put this!

- Boy, you don't see craftsmanship like this every day!

- And it's such an interesting color too!

- You say that was the last one? Am I glad that you snapped that baby up!