Saturday, January 12, 2013

Saturday Silliness

Let’s start the day off with some humour...

You know you are addicted to coffee if...
(My husband drinks tons of coffee, so he may qualify for some of these...)

- You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.

- You sleep with your eyes open.

- You have to watch videos in fast-forward.

- The only time you're standing still is during an earthquake.

- You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.

- You've worn out your third pair of tennis shoes this week.

- Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.

- You chew on other people's fingernails.

- The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.

- You're so jittery that people use your hands to blend their margaritas.

- You can jump-start your car without cables.

- You don't sweat, you percolate.

- You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in.

- You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.

- You channel surf faster without a remote.

- You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.

- You can outlast the Energizer bunny.

- You short out motion detectors.

- You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.

- Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.

- You help your dog chase its tail.

- Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hookup.

- You ski uphill.

- You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked.

- You answer the door before people knock.

- You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.

The Red Mohawk

A young boy with a green, yellow and red Mohawk sits next to an old man at the park. After 5 minutes he turns to the old man and says "What are you staring at? You never did anything crazy in your life?". The old man turns and says "Sure have... I had sex with a peacock years back and I'm wondering if you're my son".

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