Monday, April 27, 2015

Our Story (5): Strike Two

“Pain makes you stronger, tears make you braver, and heartbreak makes you wiser. So thank the past for a better future.”
- Unknown -

(continuing from last time...)

When I was 11 ½ weeks pregnant with my second child, I started bleeding. I was horrified because it was the end of the first trimester when you begin to feel secure that you will not miscarry. It was the weekend and my ex was home from work, so I approached him with what I considered an emergency and asked him to please take me to the hospital.
My brother, Steve, who passed away in 2011 clowning around
with his younger niece. He was such an amazing uncle.

Instead of being alarmed like I was, he seemed annoyed at being disturbed while he was messaging and clowning around with his work pals on his computer. “Relax”, he said. “It’s probably nothing. Like the last pregnancy.” There was no sense of urgency. No support. No sensitivity or compassion. Not a shred of concern. Nothing.

But I wouldn't relax. I insisted on going to the hospital. He sighed and took me. The doctor who examined me found the baby’s heartbeat, and although there were signs of bleeding, the pregnancy seemed to be intact. To make sure everything was alright, he scheduled me for an ultrasound later in the week. My ex accompanied me there but left before the exam was done. Because...well, you know...too busy with work and other things. “You don’t really need me here, right?” No, of course not. Not as I wait with my heart pounding in my chest to find out whether everything is okay - or not – with our baby.

Thankfully, everything was fine. Apparently some women bleed occasionally when their periods would otherwise have been due, almost as if the body forgets that it’s pregnant for a few moments.

I tended to the majority of my pregnancy alone. My ex did not accompany me to any doctors’ appointments or to all the ultrasounds or to the visit with the nutritionist when I was bordering on being diabetic or to the weekly blood tests to make sure my sugar wasn’t too high. Because...well, you know...too busy with work and other things.

To be continued... (click here)

36 comments:

  1. Wow, how awful for you going through such a difficult and stressful time alone. I wonder if your ex has any regrets about how he treated you and your girls or if he's still so self absorbed?

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    1. I think he'd be happy if I dropped dead! LOL... No, no regrets. In fact, he honestly believes that he was mistreated. Seriously.

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  2. What a wanker. Sorry it was this way for you but very glad
    to know that this story ends in Happily Ever After.

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    1. I love that word 'wanker'. That's all you really need to say, right? Well, whatever he is...at least he's out of my life. And the most amazing man in the world is now in it. Night and day those two.

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    2. Wanker is a good work. Wank is not bad, but one that er is added, it's just a good, good work.

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    3. Agreed. If you don't add the er, it's just not the same. Love it. Will use it from now on :)

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  3. It makes me think he needs therapy, like he was avoiding responsibility. So painful for you.

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    1. He would totally disagree, Christine. As far as he's concerned, he's the right one and everyone else is in need of therapy. He is happy when he gets his way. Period.

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  4. That must have been very difficult to go through all that by yourself.

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    1. It was, Bethany, but it's all water under the bridge now. I'm thankful that both my girls were born healthy. The rest is just life experience.

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  5. Some men are so incapable of relating on an emotional level.......not sure if it is a cultural thing they have learned or a choice they have made to stay clear of any type of emotional conflict or involvement. Whatever the case, it leaves so many women and children stranded.
    How fortunate Martha for you to be able to look back at this tumultuous time in your life and know you have moved forward and far from this situation.

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    1. You're so right, Jim. I imagine in my ex's case some of his behaviour was learned. His parents were both wonderful people who adored me, and I adored them, but they let him get away with too much.

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  6. Hmmm, the very model of an uninvolved husband. How difficult must that have been for you!

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    1. It was at the time. Now it's character-building experience!

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  7. this kind of story always always fuels my inner rage ~ however to see your smiling brother softens the blow

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    1. Those wonderful memories erase those terrible moments. I'd rather think of the good times than the bad.

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  8. Martha, I just cannot imagine all the pain you had to endure having to 'go it alone' your story is heartbreaking!
    Love that photo of your brother and your little one!

    Wishing you a great week ahead
    Smiles

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    1. It was a sad time but it's all in the past, Margie. Thank goodness for that!

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  9. It sounds like you were living away from family support. That's probably another thing this guy engineered. Family would have interfered with his power.

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    1. I was living very close to my family, but the problem was I never told them all the details of my life. I didn't realize at the time that his behaviour was inappropriate. I was convinced I was at fault for just about everything. And lied to my parents about many things.

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  10. So cute picture with your brother and daughter! Hope you are enjoying your adventure! So sad your ex didn't take better care of you during this special time of your pregnancies nor seem to care too much about them either.

    betty

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    1. He was an amazing uncle. We truly miss him. As for my ex, he's in the past, and that's GREAT!

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  11. I'm sorry, but what a BASTARD!

    Sorry about the outburst, Martha. Thought my blood was about to boil over...

    *Hugs*

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    1. That's okay, Wendy. You can blurt out whatever comes to mind. My concern is that YOU are alright. The good news is that he's married to someone else now.

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  12. Daisy and I will probably be trying to have a baby soon, and the thought of it makes me a little scared. I know I'd be ridden with worry about Daisy and the baby staying healthy for those months and after birth.

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    1. It's a scary but also beautiful experience. And I've no doubt that you'll be an amazing support system for Daisy and the baby.

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  13. I'm thinking you might have been better off if that jackass wasn't around at all - no expectations, no anxiety or fury regarding him, and your family was supportive.
    It's nice to see a photo of your brother. He had a very kind, handsome face.
    Hugs.

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    1. You are right, Robyn. He wouldn't have been missed. My brother was a gem. The world is a sadder place since he left it.

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  14. Wow, Martha I can't imagine how you lived with him for years, how you allowed yourself to be disrespected and mistreated. I've been following your story and I can't believe it happened to you.

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    1. When my head was screwed on right, I couldn't believe it either. It seems like a lifetime ago, and another woman! When you are in that cobweb, it's a different story.

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  15. your story, my story...same and I'm so sorry you had to live through it....but so happy you found the most wonderful man in the world...xo he was stone when I gave birth, I never said a word through the worst pain, i threw up or fainted, and he laughed...i hear he's better now, he found a nurse as his third wife (or girlfriend I'm not sure) i was the first wife...He's a good man now, he got cured....and lives near the water has a house, builds things he's happy...I understand and I'm glad especially for my son because now he can have a life with his dad, that is healthy.... and I am closed in to an apt...but my son, yesterday gave me so much hope, and all is different when you have hope. I'm happy that you're so happy it takes away some of my pain, I love you Girl!

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    1. That is good news about your ex, Lorraine, especially because of your son. But I'm still sorry you had to deal with all that. Did he ever apologize to you? I know you say he's a good man now and cured, but for me, the ultimate show of change if remorse.

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    2. never said a word...to this day, his parents thought I divorced him for space...I didn't have the heart to tell them why i left...they believed death before divorce...but eventually they told me they understood that i needed my space and that they loved me...they'll never know..and I love them too much to ever tell. But something inside me broke when he and his girlfriend went to my son witnessed his happiness, while I fought for my son everyday of my life...and somehow that hurt me, even though i knew it was selfish on my part, of course his dad should be there...

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    3. It's really heartbreaking that anyone would hurt someone like you. And I understand completely about feeling hurt. My girls are that way with their father even though I raised them and did all the leg work. But he's very successful, lots of money and gives them things. He's a 'Disney' dad. I can't keep up with that; not that I'd want to. All I am is the responsible parent who does/has done the leg work. No glory in that. But I sleep well at night because I've lived an honest life and I've never purposely hurt anyone or been manipulative/cheating. I can't say the same for him. So let him reel them in with money and things. I'd rather travel a different road. When the girls are older perhaps that's when I will truly have some value.

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