Saturday, June 6, 2015

Our Story (15): One Last Try

“A story to me means a plot where there is some surprise. Because that is how life is - full of surprises.”
- Isaac Bashevis Singer -

(continuing from last time...)

At the start of February 2002 as I was waiting in a checkout line at a supermarket, the words ‘soul mate’ jumped out at me from a Valentine’s Day greeting card in the stationary section a few yards away. Mesmerized, I gave up my place in line and went to check it out. I picked up the card and as I read, my eyes filled with tears. It touched me deeply; so much so that for a fleeting moment I imagined my alter ego writing it and placing it there for me to discover. OHMYGOSH...did I write this? I smiled at my overactive and silly imagination.

Despite the fact that there was no one in my life at the time nor was I actively searching for anyone, I decided to buy the card. Because if someone had been in my life, someone extraordinarily special, this is the card that I would give to him. And for a moment, I believed it would happen. That extraordinary person - a soul mate - would arrive. When? How? Who? I didn’t know. But I was so sure of it at the time. And I was going to save this card for him. For the future.

A few weeks went by and spring rolled in. The days got longer and sunnier, and there was a lot of joyful, spring-feverish buzzing at work, particularly from co-worker and friend “C” who was enjoying the dating scene. Every now and then she’d talk about some new guy she'd met and how much fun she was having. “Where are you meeting all these guys?” I asked. She mentioned an online dating site I’d never heard of and when she saw the look of skepticism on my face, she said “You should try online dating. It’s fun.” I told her I had tried it on another site the year before and found it disappointing. “Well, you haven’t tried this one”, eternally optimistic “D” said. “Give it a shot, you have nothing to lose.

At the end of March 2002, I decided - what the heck – I’ll take her advice and try this online stuff one last time. I ditched my old profile and wrote up a brand new one that depicted who I am and what I’m looking for. Here it is:

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At some point I think we’ve all felt like we've spent our whole life believing that we're on the right track, only to discover that we're on the wrong train. Hopefully we find humor in that and change trains at the next station.

So who am I? Is it possible to describe one's self in words? At least if they allowed us to use paints or crayons, it would be more colorful and interesting. With no alternative, I’ll write a few words about me in black and white. I'm a little bit of everything all rolled into one. I'm easygoing, straightforward, compassionate, idealistic, intellectual and love a great sense of humor. I don't waste time playing games or living life on a merry go round. What you see is what you get; good, bad and other :)

Integrity, strength of character, honesty and chivalry are something that I value. I respect people who say what they mean and mean what they say. Does authenticity, sincerity, honor and dignity, the ability to laugh, compassion and thoughtfulness still live?

Are you able to stay calm in traffic jams, not tailgate, patiently let a pedestrian cross instead of aiming to kill them, respect a school zone, be nice to a clerk, open a door or give up your seat, think with your heart, travel through life without crushing anyone and even be able to say sorry? Are you also able to walk instead of drive, not care about trends or fashions, avoid self-help books from so-called experts, get silly instead of uptight, keep a good mood going, see more than just clouds in the sky, pass by a mirror without the need to look at yourself and miss a day of taking vitamins without being anxiety ridden? You are? Well...where the heck have you been?

I'm a simple girl seeking a simple guy; someone who takes things as they come, lets the kid in him out, has a zest for life, finds humor even in the darkest times and has an all around good-natured attitude. Someone who knows how to smile, each and every day.

(only locals with ‘profile’ photos please)

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And I included this image that my four year old daughter had taken just a few weeks prior. Because she wanted to use the camera like the big girl that she was:



Then I waited. And the fiasco started all over again. The same dull, typical and uninspiring profiles showed up. It felt like everyone was just copying and pasting the same lines over and over and over again. Where was that individual that walked to the beat of his own drum? Where was the man that stood apart? Thought for himself? Didn’t follow the crowd? Or trends? That genuine and earthy individual? The one with a wonderful sense of humour and optimistic attitude? Sigh.

After only a month on this site, I was already tired of saying “thanks but no thanks”, tired of reading the repetitive profiles and tired of logging on each day just to sort through and get rid of messages and emails. So at the end of April 2002, I decided that I’d give it two more weeks and then I’d delete this account and move on. A few nights later, after I’d put my kids to bed, I logged onto the dating site and after sorting through and deleting messages and emails that were of no interest to me, yet again, I decided to check out the profiles and see if by some miracle someone interesting would pop up. Here we go...nothing...same faces...same old lines...big ego...stuff, stuff, stuff...sigh...I already said no thanks to you...yes, you’re successful...and a blowhard...just a few more days and this account goes bye-bye...buzz off married jerk...repetitive profiles…no I don’t want to ride in your new sports car...or boat...what part of no don't you understand...sigh...time to log off...oh...wait...WAIT... wait a minute! What...what is this? Ohmyflippinggosh...What. Is. This?

Yes, there was a new kid on the block. Who walked to the beat of his own drum. I laughed out loud and clapped my hands in delight as I read his profile. This was the needle in the haystack! And he was breathing new life into the monotonous online dating world.

Little did I know at the time that my own world was about to be rocked.

To be continued... (click here)

36 comments:

  1. oh you are a good writer...the excitement builds! Thanks for sharing thus far...it almost sounds like the job hunting process.

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    1. It felt like a job hunting process! LOL... Until I ran across this profile...

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  2. *cough* *cough* I was looking at your picture and really like what I saw.... Visual Basic. SQL, HTML C++, I used to have shelves of those around :) oh and you look nice too! ha ha ha

    Timing so much about that, but when destiny is mean to happen it will find a way!

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    1. I used to have tons of those computer books. They're all gone now. It's amazing (and somewhat) disturbing how quickly things become obsolete. And yes, destiny certainly does find a way.

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  3. I'm enjoying your story very much. Can't wait to hear what happens next!

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  4. I think when you bought that "soul card," you manifested your deepest longing out into the universe and it came through for you!

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    1. I couldn't agree more, Debra! I've thought about that moment many times since then. I write about it here but I can't quite put into words the intensity of that experience. It was quite surreal.

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  5. Yay! The Universe was listening and watching attentively when you purchased that card! :). I can't wait to hear more.

    I was 28 years old when I met my soul mate, my partner of now almost 25 years. This was before the days of online dating, but my friends were constantly trying to set me up with 'this great guy I know'... Etc and on and on. I think a lot of the time, they thought I was 'too picky' or I just really didn't want to meet ANYONE. But I waited. I held out for HIM. And I'm glad I did. And I'm ecstatic for you and your most amazing man in the world. Life can be so GOOD!

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    1. It's a great idea to wait for someone special and not settle. That's what I did the second time around. My first was a mistake, but at least I learned from it.

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  6. I'm loving this adventure, Martha, and I can feel the excitement building!!! Your computer looks so funny now, but I remember when it was awesome. Not a bad shot for a four year old, but then she had a good subject to work with. Have a lovely Sunday!

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    1. Back then those computers were the best! And now, as you say, it's so funny to see them. My younger daughter still takes really nice photos. She's got a good eye for that!

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  7. I can't believe your first relationship was so far off when you can write and know a profile like this. You end each post and keep us guessing. It's a good way to tell a story.

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    1. I was just turning 17 when I met my ex and 37 when I met my recent husband, so let's just say that after 20 years I SHOULD be able to get it right :) Too bad I didn't have that wisdom when I was much younger. Live and learn!

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  8. My first marriage was joke then after a few years of taking a break from the relationship area I to went on a dating site and yes lots of jerks out there but then I met the most wonderful man on this dating site as well and we hit it off right away and he is my hero my loving kind caring thoughtful gentle husband , the thing is I found out that at the time we were both about ready to give up on the dating site , glad we didn't ! Thanks for sharing , have a good day !

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    1. It sounds like such a wonderful love story. I'm so happy you found your happily ever after!

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  9. Yay! Seriously, I love this.

    * I met my husband on Plenty of Fish. :-)

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    1. What a great name for a dating site! I love it.

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  10. NKOTB, finally!

    What took him so long?

    Martha, I can't wait, I'm impatient, I need more of your story!

    Oh I'll be a good boy!

    Ron
    (PS: My nephew found his one and only online too. Now with 2 chilluns! YAY!!)

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    1. I think he was waiting for me to be ready. I had a lot of healing to do and when I was in a good place WHAM he surfaced :)

      I LOVE the story about your nephew. There is love possible on these sites. You just have to filter through and find the needle in the haystack.

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  11. 'You just keep me/us hanging on' by the Supremes.......remember that song, Martha?! Well, that is what you are doing!!! lol
    I so like what Debra said......it happens, as you know.

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    1. Oh yes it does happen! I totally believe that, Jim. Life is quite mysterious...and amazing!

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  12. Oh! is this where the most wonderful man in the world enters?

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  13. Read your last 2 installments; catching up from being gone for a few days. Glad you decided to enter the dating scene, even though it wasn't always a "bed of roses." Glad you decided to pursue online dating/meeting too and that it (eventually) seemed to work out well for you :)

    betty

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    1. It wasn't always a bed of roses, but I'd do it all over again. There were a few really authentic and wonderful people on there.

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  14. I actually met Daisy online, I actually found her right before I gave up on those sites.

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    1. I didn't know that! That is wonderful. Looks like you found that needle in the haystack.

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  15. This story is getting better and better! So happy you found someone special just as you were about to give up on the online dating scene! I'm very much looking forward to the next part!

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    1. Thank you, Bethany. Perseverance certainly pays off. As does patience.

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  16. wow I wasn't going to go back that far yet but I couldn't resist, who wouldn't fall in love with such a beautiful honest woman with integrity, atta girl, you got your man! wow

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    1. Thanks, Lorraine. It's so nice to see you back here!

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