“Do you think the universe fights for souls to be together?
Some things are too strange and strong to be coincidences.”
- Emery Allen -
(continuing from last time...)
So at the beginning of May, just days before I was set to quit the online dating world, I ran across a new kid on the block who was breathing new life into an otherwise monotonous website. And I laughed out loud as I read his profile. Here it is (with permission):
Found: Adorable stray...
Found in Montreal West, this warm and affectionate animal responds to the name "George" or "C'mere Boy" or even to the smell of cooked bacon. Possibly abandoned by former owner, this caring and loyal animal is house-broken and won't chew-up the furniture (although he has been known to nibble at times). Doesn't drool or bark, but does prefer to sleep on the bed. Has not been neutered, but will not mistake your leg for the female of the species either (Hmmm?). Loves kids and can do neat tricks like rolling over and playing dead (especially on Saturday mornings). The perfect addition to any family...
So who am I really? I already told you, but let me expand:
To the uninitiated, I'm a well-mannered, good-humored but reserved type of guy. To the initiated, I'm a real sleazeball (just kidding!). Young at heart, I love to play... Hold the "Oh! One of those!” I do take my responsibilities seriously (and yes, I do have a real job). But on that subject, I have to admit I'm not aggressively clawing my way up the corporate ladder either. It's a job, and it pays the bills...period. Maybe if I make it as a Hollywood actor someday, I'll feel different about it... Naw! I think I prefer life with the "real" people. The only folks I have to impress are the people I love. This also somewhat explains how I feel about competition in general. If you want to impress me, do it by sharing the depth of your passion or conviction, not by reciting a boring list of possessions, knowledge and accomplishments that reads like a sales brochure.
So what am I looking for?
A sweet, petite, lean & mean fu@#ing-machine... Wow! I can hear the sound of all those "back" buttons clicking from way over here! But seriously? "I want a girl, just like the girl who married dear old dad"! (That should keep the amateur psychologists busy for a while). Send a smile... It's free!
No picture, no reply. No return smile, no reply. All substance abusers and clingy brain-dead type life forms with unbelievable expectations need not apply. Same goes for people who always want to be entertained (I'm not a machine). I am currently married and negotiating the separation agreement. The ex moved out 7 months ago, after 2 years of soul-searching (yes, it's really, really over). C'est la vie!
PS: As Rodney Dangerfield said: "It's been so long since I had sex, that when dogs see me coming, they cross over to the other side of the street".
Gee, I hope it really is like riding a bicycle...
HOLYMOLY…what fun! Extremely refreshing after viewing dozens and dozens of generic profiles with generic lines. I was fascinated by this man who stood out from the crowd with his creativity, crazy imagination and wonderful sense of humour. And I didn’t even know what he looked like because there was no photo attached. It was possible that he’d submitted one at the same time he uploaded his profile but images have to be approved first therefore it would be a day or two before it was visible. And what were the chances that I would like what he looks like as much as I liked what he had to say?
The next evening, a Friday, after my kids had been picked up by their father for his weekend visit with them, I logged onto the dating site to check whether this man’s profile had a photo attached and sure enough, there it was:
OHMYGOSH...I even like how he looks! OHMYGOSHOHMYGOSH! Be still my beating heart. Now all I had to do was send him a smile, which was totally free, to show him that I’m interested. And if he sent me a smile back, I would then send him an email or contact him through the site’s instant messaging. All I had to do was press the button...
I stared and stared and stared at the computer screen for what seemed like eternity. And you know what I did in the end? Absolutely nothing. I decided to log off, shut down my computer and let fate decide. In a few days I was going to disappear from the online dating world (I was still going ahead with it) and if the two of us were meant to cross paths, this man would find me, just like I’d found him.
The next morning (Saturday, May 4th, 2002), when I logged onto the site, there was a smile waiting for me. From him.
To be continued... (click here)