Monday, May 3, 2021

Chuckles and Chortles

 Happy Monday, blogging pals! I’ve decided to try posting again once a week and see how it goes. Just a quick recap about what’s been going on.  Well, my mother died in February. It wasn’t from COVID, so I was able to visit her in the ICU on her last day, even though she was unconscious and basically on life support. She and I hadn’t seen each other since before COVID and we hadn’t spoken since last spring. I attempted to call her a few times but she was either cold or eager to hang up. I tried again on January first of this year and half hoped she’d be happy to hear from me. Instead, she just asked if there was something I wanted and when I said I just wanted to wish her a happy hear ahead, she said “okay” and hung up. She stopped speaking to me or calling me last spring. How did this come about? I hold my last remaining member of that family responsible: my brother. Last April, I accidentally found out that my brother and his wife had taken my mother to a notary so she can sign the house over to them; the house that she had willed to the two of us to share equally, along with all her other assets. They didn’t finish the process that day because my mother was hesitant but they intended to eventually get to it. A huge blowout ensued between my brother and I. He told me it was none of my business and that he had no intention of sharing this home with me at market value. He felt he was entitled to do this and that he was going to pick it up at a very reduced price. I called my mother to find out what was going on and I could not get any information. After that, she was cold and distant towards me whenever I attempted to call her and she stopped calling me altogether. My brother and his wife did take the house in September 2020. And honestly, I don’t know if they ever gave my mother any money for it since there has been zero transparency. Now here’s something to think about: My mother was diagnosed with cognitive decline a few years ago. I took her to the geriatrics department at a Montreal hospital for testing and a few weeks later my brother took her for an MRI. Her health was declining and it was going to get worse over time. I ask myself how long after her official diagnosis did my brother devise this scheme to take her biggest asset for himself (at a bargain basement price or even for nothing) and remove me from the equation? They did all this in secret (no one knew they were working on getting the house) and they did it during the peak of the pandemic last spring...and when some borders were closed between my province and theirs. I’ll never know the truth. It’s been a difficult year in every which way, the worst of it being my mother’s total rejection. I went to the ICU to see her one last time the day before she died even though she was already basically gone. But I needed that closure. As for my brother and I, I have removed him completely from my life. With a sibling like that, who needs enemies. The level of betrayal and dishonesty is beyond fathomable. As far as I’m concerned, the whole family is now gone: parents and siblings. I grieve for the dead and I grieve for the living dead. I went through a very dark period but I’m in a much better place now.

And that’s what has been happening...

Okay, onto happier news, the most amazing man in the world and I got our first vaccine a little over two weeks ago. Our second will be in the summer. We are very happy about all this. And my girls and their boyfriends are all healthy and happy. They’ve all been fortunate enough to keep working throughout this whole period and I’m very pleased about that. I’m blessed in many ways and I’m grateful for that.

So...what’s been going on with all of you? Please share in the comments below! And now, let’s get to the funny stuff because that’s what keeps us all going. Enjoy...and have an amazing day!








42 comments:

  1. Martha I am glad you got this terrible burden off your chest even to the point of sharing these great laughs with us. Welcome back. Love the 'Sound of Music' one.

    I hope time will heal your wounds and grant you forgiveness and most of all peace. Money is the root of all evil.

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    1. This will be a much better year, Christine, thank you. It is a year of healing and moving forward.

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  2. Oh Martha, what a terrible situation you've had to endure! I'm so sorry things with your Mom ended this way. And your brother's betrayal? Disgusting. I'm sure you have a legal case against him but I imagine you've explored that option. Litigation is very, very expensive and there has to be an awful lot of money at stake to make it feasible.

    I wish I could give you a big hug in person! I feel so bad for you. But I know you're strong and I'm glad you are coming through this on the other side.

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    1. Thank you so much, Debra. And you are right, I've thought of everything under the sun. Trust me, if I was able to, I would drag his sorry ass through court just for the sheer satisfaction. But it's just not possible. The most amazing man in the world and I could never afford such a thing. It would break us financially. And I imagine my brother knows that. I've worked on acceptance and I am now working on healing. That is how I will find my peace. ❤️

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  3. Martha, glad you are back blogging. Laughter is great medicine, so keep laughing.

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    1. It certainly is great medicine! And so I keep laughing. ❤️

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  4. Nice to see you back to blogging, I missed you. I am sorry about your mother and all that happened with your brother. I don't know how someone like your brother can live with himself. Great collection of funnies- my cats wish they had a blow horn. XO

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    1. Thank you so much, my beautiful friend. It makes sense in his head and I believe he not only can live with himself, he sleeps soundly at night. Happy to be back here with all of you. ❤️xo

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  5. You tell a very sad story that is devastating as it was people you loved and trusted. It's tough not to be bitter. It's good to see you back on the blog again.

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    1. These things happen every day. You just don't think they'll happen to you. It is tough not to be bitter but it's a wasted and detrimental emotion. Best to accept, heal and move on.

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  6. Welcome back to blogging, Martha. Elder abuse comes in many different forms. Trust me when I say you will discover that there are many people out there who have been through similar incidents with aging relatives. It is not easy and I'm sure it has consumed you. I am sorry you had to go through this. Try and move forward as best you can.
    I'm glad you have had your vaccine already. Husband and I have appointed times later this month. Take care, -Jenn

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    1. I totally agree, Jenn. There are many types of elderly abuse. They are vulnerable and you can pretty much push them into anything. It did indeed consume for for quite some time and that was extremely unhealthy. When I finally decided to accept and detach, I began to feel better - and free. This will be a year of healing and getting my life back on track. Very pleased to hear that you and your hubby have appointments scheduled. My husband and I felt much better once we got the vaccine!

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  7. You've been some really tough stuff and I'm so sorry, to a certain degree I can relate. At the end as you say you have to eventually work on acceptance and healing, as these kind of things can destroy you if you don't. Again, I know.

    Glad to see you blogging again.

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    1. Thank you! Yes, very true. These kinds of things can destroy you if you don't accept and work on healing. And is it worth it? No. I have many blessings in my life and I will not have this get in the way.

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  8. Martha, what a terrible and selfish thing for your brother to do to you! Are you sure he is a blood relative of yours? He sounds like a real piece of work!
    I know you will heal from this. Please accept a warm/gentle virtual hug from the both of us.
    Great to see your funnies again! You have the BEST you know. The 'cat one' is SO true, eh?

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    1. HAHAHA! I'm beginning to question if we're related biologically! But then again, blood relations don't guarantee anything. Sometimes the most toxic people are the ones related to you by blood. And yes, I will indeed heal from this. One day at a time. Thank you for the hugs! So needed and very much appreciated. ❤️

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    1. Soooooo appreciate and love these hugs! ❤️

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  10. i was shocked to read your story of betrayal by your brother not because he betrayed you dear Martha but how our stories are alike . mourning living dead is more painful i must say.

    in my whole life i saw my brother hating me ,he wanted me to get married in my early teens so he can have bride in exchange as it is tradition her if boy cannot pay much for marriage he should marry her sister to family member of would be in laws .
    mom did not let him achieve this.and his hate never disappeared but only dimmed because of his accident in which he injured his backbone and e needed help which me and my sister did because he was brother after all.
    i was not lucky to have sister even ,when she completed her studies in my house she left. and next time we met she was different person,specially when she returned from u s a she forced mother to stay away from me.i was truly broken and shocked because i always loved her and protected her.

    I am sorry for what you beard i know it is heart breaking!
    hw nice you got vaccination ,wishing you more joy ,health ,peace in days ahead!

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    1. Your story sounds sad, Baili. I'm sorry you had to go through all that. These things happen, and we become stronger because of them. I was very surprised by all this and it took me a while to believe that it was even true. I am much better now and much more at peace. It will take some time to fully heal but I know I will do it. Thank you for your kinds words.

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  11. More hugs and hope that now you can be at peace. I am sorry that you were treated so abysmally.

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    1. Thank you so much for your lovely message. I'm much, much better now and I will continue to move in that direction.

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  12. Such a sad happening with your Mom passing away and all that went before, Martha. Why are some people so thoughtless and uncaring and care only for money? I am happy you have your husband and girls. Laughter is so good for us so keep on with that for you and all of us!

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    1. That is the hardest part of all, Nancy. My mother and I always had a complicated and sometimes difficult relationship but we hobbled along. I didn't expect this type of ending. It was shocking. But I've come to a point of acceptance, and I'm working on healing. And my husband and my girls...that's what truly counts. Thank you for your support.

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  13. If your brother's name isn't Dick, then it should be. I'm always amazed by the things one member of a family will do to another. The worst part isn't him taking the house. It's the destruction of your relationship with your mother. You are wise to get rid of him and carry on. Thank you for returning to us and making us laugh!

    Love,
    Janie

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    1. HAHA! Right, Janie? I have to say that I never saw this coming. Apparently they'd been working on this for a year or two. I can't believe I never noticed anything. He really wanted me out of the loop because if our mother died with her original intentions in her will, we would have inherited the house together. Then we would have had to sell it together and share the equity or he would have had to buy me out at market value. He pushed me out now he doesn't have to do either. The housing market right now is blazing hot, and he and his wife stand to make a tidy profit. That's the price tag for getting rid of a sister, it seems: the cost of half a house. Yes, getting rid of him was what had to be done for me to find peace and begin healing. We can never get past this. Thank you for your support. And for making me smile! xo

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  14. I've seen the argument over property several times when an elder dies. Most of the time it tears families up. If it doesn't nobody trusts anyone any more.

    If the hills are closed, why aren't they wearing masks?!

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    1. Unfortunately, this happens in one too many families. That's just life.

      Yes, why aren't they wearing masks!? HAHA

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  15. I am so sorry Dear Martha for all that you have been through, I wish you the best in the coming months and years xox

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    1. Thank you, sweet friend. It's lovely to see you here. I have missed you! xo

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  16. I am so sorry you've had all this to deal with and endure, and I'm sending a very large virtual hug to you.

    Pleased to read you've been able to get your first vaccination.
    I am hopeful that things will begin to open up and a more 'normal' life can return.

    Many thanks for the Chuckles :)

    All the best Jan

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    1. Thank you so much, Jan! Virtual hugs are very welcome. I hope you are keeping well and enjoying a lovely Sunday.

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  17. I read this when you first posted it, but simply didn't feel able to comment on such a nightmarish story. You were wise to make a complete break with him. Such people don't change, and continued contact would have brought nothing but even more pain in the future.

    Glad you got the vaccination. I hope to do the same soon.

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    1. We are at an impasse and there's no getting past this. Not to mention that it'll be impossible to ever trust again. That is shattered between us.

      I'm really glad we got our first vaccination. I hope you get yours soon!

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  18. Sorry for your loss. Sorry for losing your sibling in a bad way too.

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  19. Oh Martha. What a horrible situation to be put in. You have suffered many losses rolled into one big crushing burden. I hope your good memories of your dad and your other brother are a comfort to you and help you to feel you also had some family on your side. The grieving process is bad enough on its own; when complicated by factors as you described, everything is just that much harder. Take solace and pride in the goodness of your husband and daughters and their partners. Thinking of you, my friend.

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    1. Thank you so much for your kindness. Yes, I the memories of my dad and my brother do provide some comfort and the feeling that I had family on my side that truly cared and supported me. I miss them both terribly but at least I have no unfinished business with them. It'll take time and a lot of effort to find peace with my mother. But I know that I will eventually get that. 💖

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  20. I linked over from Christine's blog. I just want to say I'm so sorry for everything you've been through. It sounds like a horrible nightmare. I hope you can find peace.

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    1. Thank you so much for this lovely comment! I am working on peace. I'm much further along at this point than I was months ago.

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  21. Wow, what a year you had with family matters and how sad this all unfolded this way. Good you are in a better place right now with all this. It is much better for your health to maybe not forgive their betrayal and ignorance but at least find some peace inside yourself after all this. I feel for you - not a great thing to go through. How can a sibling do this to another sibling and a mother reject you in that way. Anyway glad to see u blogging and posting the funnies again.

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    1. It's a convoluted mess, Sandy. Things went really off the rails and I didn't see it coming. I cannot have a relationship anymore with my brother because I could never trust him again. I'm okay with that. Things happen in life. I don't use the word forgiveness because it makes me feel like someone is getting away with something. I replace it with the word "acceptance". Much easier to digest! LOL

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